For a very long time in my life, I lived in complete disconnection from myself. It felt like I was living entirely in my mind, unconsciously doing so much to destroy myself. While I existed in my head, my body lived a life of its own, and my heart was “walled off for safety”—because feeling myself was simply too painful. Only now do I realize that my hobby was suffering, and my passion—saving others. I believed that if I could fix everyone close to me—“because I obviously know better what they need,” if I could “heal the lineage,” then I would finally be able to enjoy happiness myself. My encounter with the realization that the best thing I could do for myself, my family, and my ancestry was to take responsibility for my life—was disorienting. To take my true place within the family system: to be a child to my parents, a mother to my child, a wife to my husband, a sister to my brothers and sister… and nothing else. Right now, it seems to me that this is the only path toward authenticity— to live life from my place, accepting my parents just as they are. Maybe someday I’ll think differently… I’ve stopped demanding elder-like wisdom from myself. I allow myself to make mistakes. I’m learning about myself—and about life. At this moment, I’m learning to listen to my body, translating the symptoms it expresses. With the help of Bert Hellinger’s method, I’m exploring what it’s trying to tell me through the “excess weight”— carried through generations. I’m navigating the deeply complex emotions that arise from seeking out and getting to know my father at the age of 32. As I continue working more with systemic family constellations, raising our daughter together with my beloved husband, and navigating the journey of man and woman being together in marriage, I feel—deeply—how profoundly everything is influenced by our relationships with our parents and grandparents, and by the events of our family lineage. How deeply this affects our romantic relationships, how intensely we long for love, but when it finally finds us— we put so much effort into destroying it, because deep down, we don’t truly believe that we’re allowed to be happy.
And so, from generation to generation, we pass on these “inheritances,” until the body and life itself begin to send signals through symptoms such as: relationship crises, depression, recurring events passed down through generations, life patterns that endlessly repeat, lack of money, challenges in relationships with children, work-related issues, various illnesses, and more. Life speaks loudly—so that we may finally come into contact with ourselves, so that we may begin to see and to hear:
“Hey, it can be different! You have to find the reason why things are the way they are. You have to see it, acknowledge it, and let it go! And then—by getting to know your true self—you have to feel WHAT and HOW it is that I truly want.”
I’ll be happy to be truly present with you in your moments of connection.